That SELFISH side of ME

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Saturday, October 6, 2012

* reposted from my blogger account

Hi Everyone,
Yes, I got to welcome myself back here again!!!. I wouldn’t say am busy, which most bloggers would say when they couldn’t think of anything to write..well, not all I guess..apologies~
Things got rough lately and I don’t feel like writing. I want to write something that I’m interested in or that I could relate to, not a bunch of crappy posts which I get to delete later on (I got more than 5 of those..geez)
From the title which is very intriguing, you might guess this is all about a boy that I’m seeing, but well, it’s not (sorry to spoil the guess..^^)
When am bored and don’t feel like going to the mall, I take out my laptop and surf for new movies, and there it entertained.Few minutes ago I was watching  this movie entitled “Bridesmaids“. It’s a new one and it’s still on in the cinemas at this very moment. The movie centers on the lady named ‘Annie who’s life seems to be all messed up plus getting left out on her best friend’s wedding preparations. She is totally annoyed with the new assuming friend of her best buddy who’s managing all the wedding stuffs.
What struck me the most is when she felt like she was an outcast of the most important part of her best friend’s life. And I ponder on that for a few seconds realizing how possessive I am towards others.
How she felt in the movie is exactly what I feel when I see any of my friends meeting other pals especially  those that I consider my best of friends. There’s that mixed of anger and envious feeling enveloping me. And I couldn’t help but be bitter towards those new found friends of theirs.

Many told me it’s not the right attitude, bet I want to tell that to myself ..but I just can’t change how my subconscious tells me that this doesn’t seem right.
“I’m your friend and Your mine, so why bother stick to a new one.”.. this though keeps on echoing at the back of my mind and that new found friend gets a forced smile from me (well much more like a grin).

My friends are well aware of this and some even confess of feeling the same way. ‘Was glad to know that it’s not some psychopaths thinking going through my head. I got a lot of advise about it and tried to take it into my system. Reminding myself of the good things other people can teach us in life, no matter how aloof they may be, or how bad you feel towards them.

Honestly, I haven’t overcome that selfish thought but am trying.
Trying to be friends to others too.. ‘coz when I lose one, there are still others who would care for me.
As they always say..”The more, the merrier..” ^^

Posted by at 11:24 AM


To the Night Shift

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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I’m sorry to tell you this but you’ve been so irritating recently. Well it’s not that big though but I easily get irritated when I encounter such things.

You see I easily get annoyed with someone who waits to be fed. I mean literally waiting to be fed.
I would sound selfish if I tell you I’m tired of asking what you want to eat every dinner time and you suggesting whatever you want to eat without even giving me a share of the effort.
Yes, I know I’m being my childish self again that’s why I’m apologizing  but I can’t help it when people are abusing my generosity and soft heartedness. This is just too much to take.
I’m not worried about the expenses but I’ve had my share of things to worry in the company and I don’t want to include that worrying stuff about you not eating if I don’t wonder. Your dinner dish can’t be inserted in between my thoughts of lesson presentations, tests and special classes. You know why? I don’t want to see worried people. I just don’t want people to feel bad because of me.
Once I asked you if you are hungry but you told me that you don’t feel like eating anything. Later that night I asked again and you said you are still very full but when I bought stuffs to cook, you gobbled every thing on your plate without hesitation. You must be very hungry, I thought.
I won’t be my kind self every night considering your situation. So please do take care of yourself. My kindness depends on my mood. I just feel like buying dinner for you at times but there will also be times when I don’t give a damn care about people around me.
Do understand that.
I’m sorry for the rant. I just want to share this.