I don’t blame Him for taking you so soon. I know He has His reasons and it’s all part of the plan.

I learned a lot from life. But it’s always not the easy way. But I understand.

I miss you more than anyone can ever imagine.

I know somehow you can read this. I just know because He always listens.

Thank you for helping dad, I know he is strong but no one can understand why you have to leave us  that soon.

Now, I have an Angel. It somehow relieves me that I have you somewhere. I’m closer to heaven than before.

Coping was very hard for me when you left. I know the family members have their own way of dealing with the pain. Everyone did a good job pretending that everything is fine.

Mom, I’m tired. I’m emotionally drained. I miss the days when I go home and just be in you arms. That warmth you have, gives me the strength to go on  everyday.

Dad’s been doing a great job since.., a mom and dad at the same time, trying to fill those empty spaces you left. But there are always things that a young teenage girl couldn’t share to her dad. He won’t be able to understand what a fourteen year old daughter feels back then.

I somehow manage to get it all straight. But I could feel how different I was from other teens like me.

Loving shopping is not on my favourite lists of pastimes, and any other  lady-like stuffs.  I see dad in me. Sometimes, I feel bad when I go out with my female friends. I feel left out when they go to clothing stores. I don’t seem to feel the way they feel. I don’t have good tastes for clothes. But just to be able to fit in, I try looking and trying  some of them on.

” What do you think of this color Ella?”

“Nah, don’t ask her, she won’t be able to tell the difference. All she know is say OK.”

That hurts! I’ve been trying my best to fit in, but it always shows how naive I am to those stuffs.

Nobody seems to enjoy my “Martial Art Days”, whenever I tell them about it.

But that’s all I can share. Those days somehow gave me that feeling of security, that I belong in a group.

I’ve got  more to learn. I’m trying to be as lady as I can be which is really not the real me.

I miss you mom.